wallstanding prompt

my thumbs are having ntrouble bending
my breath was shALLOW OR DEEP OR I'M NOT REALLY SURE IF I'M SHALLOW OR DEEP BUT IT WAS NOT MY OWN VERY MUCH
and WHAT CAN I ECVEN OWN VERY MUCH
IT WAS LIKE FUCKING OR CRYING, LOSING CONTROIL
MY BREATH LOSES CONTROL
AND IT BECOME FLUTTERING
but less beautiful


i feel very small
me and mycracking thumbs
are no one
and nothing
to be feeling pain and suffering
i have not had it hard
but what is that value


sick breath art fuckery i feel like i should have a beard
someone is watching me no one is watxhing me i could simply lie
i want to simply lie
i need other people for myself to be who i am
who ami i alone, without anyone to hehar me moan
without anyone to \hear the soft simmer of a slightly uncofortable ssss simmer from my fingertips
why did that ringing just start?


i think


im scared and im alone
but im not alone
this small box of a room could be anywhree
and anyone could be knocking
and im scarted but not for my life
i know that my life is not at the hands of whjoever might be out there
its a different kind
im a dirreent kind
its so much deper than unkind


i know there is carpet and food and anythiong
but i dont know what i cant see
i dont know anything even what i do see
i dont know anythin g, even what i can read


because just as myu breathe became a moths wing
em itting its winged whisperings
the same what that it did when i first happened upon my forbidden clit
in the same shame and hiding
i sacrificed my breath
to some other thing
i can't know this
why am i so diligently trying


my fingertips dont hurt anymore
my calves arent anymore at all really sore
i am free
                             in bargaining units.




I did the exercise in one of the single occupancy bathrooms in the library, and while I was writing someone knocked on the door and a buzzing began. The capital letters and misspellings are a result of the trickiness of organizing that which spills from you.