Thursday, May 26, 2011

The Rapture

There's nothing quite like living on a dying planet ravaged by war,  encircled by space based weapons platforms, to instill in the human heart a certain feeling of millenialism. We asked the citizens of Olympia how they felt about the coming Apocalypse at an undisclosed residential location last night.  Here's what they said:

Question #1:  If the Rapture were going to take place tonight, what would you do?
Question #2:  What if the Rapture has already happened, and this is the *THEN* what would you do?

Answer #1:  I'm not quite sure.
Answer #2:  I would look around to see who was left.  I'd be curious if the landscape changed at all -- buildings and natural landscape.

A#1:  Nothing different.  Watch some awesome bands.  Get tired. Go to sleep.
A#2:  Have sex in the streets.  Do a lot of drugs in public.

A#1:  Meet as many people as I can.  Have a party.  Have the time of my life.
A#2:  Then I guess I'd be fucked October 21st.  [ed note: supposed new date of the Rapture]

A#1:  I'd try to find my family.  My brother lives here, the rest live in Missouri.  I'd try to find my closest friends.
A#2:  I would just keep living how I'm living.

A#1:  I don't believe in the Rapture.  I would stand outside a bathroom drinking steel reserve  [what respondant is doing right now].
A#2:  (same)

A#1:  Same thing we do every night Pinky:  try to take over the world!
A#2:  I'd be doing this.

A#1:  Try to make a very strong connection with someone of the opposite sex.  And try to make the most of the time I have left, assuming I would be Raptured.
A#2:  Grab my dearest and run!

A#1:  Sit in the corner of Ladd's Inn (in Portland) and make art during karaoke, while Anna sings Barry White.
A#2:  I'd go to Olympia and go to the last show at [undisclosed location].

A#1:  Get loaded I guess.  I made burritos in honor of the Rapture.
A#2:  Go steal people's pets.  [respondant proceeds to relate the story of a man who started a business as a joke, offering to take care of people's pets after the Rapture, since they would be going to heaven, but he, being a heathen,  would remain on Earth, along with their souless pets.  It was supposed to be a joke, but people actually started paying him in advance for his services, and now he doesn't have to work any more].

A#1:  I wouldn't believe in it, even if it just happened.

A#1:  Lay on, in, or next to an old growth tree.
A#2:  Live as though my imagination controls my reality.

  I'd be happy because the conservative christians all got Raptured, and we're left to live out the glory days on Earth.
  Probably I would... party on!  We're still here!  It's a beautiful life.  -- do you have any drugs?

A#1:  Get baptized.  Convert to all religions.  Pray to every god there is.
A#2:  Party just as hard as I am now, and be so happy that all the conservative christian dicks are gone.

A#1:  Exactly what I'm doing now.  Searching for herbs.  Walking down the street.  Sex is always cool...  but I don't believe in the Rapture.  It reminds me of being a dinosaur, extinction... it doesn't mean Spirit doesn't still exist.
A#2:  it's no surprise.  do you know how many times I've thought that?

A#2:  Continue to do what I'm doing.  I'd have a lot of gratitude that the Creator, I mean, Decider, allowed me to continue this existence.  I guess I did something right. 

A#1: Everyone has to leave now or I'm going to go to jail.

Well there you have it folks.  The citizens of Olympia are an onery bunch, but they are clearly not without an appreciation for the Divine.

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